Talking about manners is a cute and old-fashioned idea, like dating, home phones, and MySpace. It’s a stuffy old word that makes me think of grumpy aristocrats looking down their glasses, wearing noses at people holding fish knives wrong, or something equally pointless and silly.
People today only need to follow these old-fashioned rules if they’re researching for a BBC period play or working as a butler for the Queen. We believe neither of those things is true for you. In the broader sense, though, manners are still essential. We should all try not to be jerks daily.
Think of this complete guide as your online finishing school. It will teach you everything you need to know and how to act appropriately to go into the world and not look like a fool.
HOW AND WHY ETIQUETTE CAME TO BE
It is said that when King Louis XIV’s gardener at Versailles saw that noblemen were killing his flowers by walking through the yard, he put up “etiquets” to tell them to stay off the grass.
However, French noblemen in the 1600s could be better at following orders. Eventually, the king had to tell everyone they couldn’t pass the gardener’s signs.
The word “etiquette” came to mean a lot of different rules of behavior over time until it finally reached its current meaning, which includes the rules of behavior for everything from a business meeting to Netflix and chills.
HOW DOES ETHIQUETTE APPLY TO TODAY’S MAN?
The traditional image of “gentlemanliness” seems a bit out-of-date when you think about how much social norms have changed in the last few years. There are almost no longer any dress rules. We talk to each other online more than in person. Sexual politics and equal rights for men and women are finally making progress. And every time our culture changes, our old rules about behavior must be rethought entirely.
Good habits are easy to learn because they require common sense and being friendly. Use your mind, and think about what might happen if you say or do something.
For instance, are you sure the woman you’re about to praise or offer a seat to is pregnant? Before you try to be “chivalrous,” make sure you know the answer to that question.
ETIQUETTE FOR DIFFERENT OCCASIONS AND SETTINGS
It goes without saying that how you act when eating with a possible date will be slightly different from how you work when playing video games with your friends. To help you be your best in these social situations, here are some essential places to go and some rules to follow.
DECOR FOR DATING
Now that Weinstein is out of the picture, most men have probably had a quick MOT on how they act around women of the opposite sex. The #MeToo movement is excellent and long overdue, but it’s not true that it has changed how to date. That crap was never okay. Still, if you’re feeling extra nervous about your next Tinder date, follow these easy steps to improve your chances of getting a second date.
1. Offer to pay on the first date, but don’t make them. As a gentleman, you should agree if she wants to go 50/50. The other way to play is to forget about gender politics and follow this rule: if you ask them to be with you for fun, you should pay. Done.
2. Go ahead and plan the first date on your own. “So, what do you fancy doing?” is one of the least sexy things you can say.
3. Don’t leave after one drink, even if you know immediately that the blind date is a waste of time. It won’t hurt you, and they may feel the same way.
4. Send a message at least one day after a date. Even a terrible one.
5. On dating apps, use a recent picture that shows who you are. That picture you took five years ago when you still had hair and hadn’t found Deliveroo yet doesn’t count.
6. Send them a message and say something unique about their profile. Not if it’s a “nice rack.”
7. Give your date the spot with the best view. Or any seat that person wants.
8. For God’s sake, put your phone down.
9. Be nice to the people who work at restaurants when you’re there. Being rude to waiters and waitresses, even bad ones, is a sure sign that you are not a good person. Everyone will know about your date.
10. Text texts should be sent at most once daily if you want to keep talking.
IN THE OFFICE
You all likely spend more time with your coworkers than with anyone else. You may not enjoy this fact. You should probably do everything you can to ensure they don’t want to kick you through a cubicle wall whenever they see your face. These easy rules help reduce the number of passive-aggressive Post-It notes you see.
1. Don’t check on emails and calls that have yet to be answered in 24 hours. Call them if it’s essential.
2. Don’t add a higher person to an email chain in a passive-aggressive way. Aside from BCCing, it’s the most scumbag thing you can do. They will remember and do whatever they can to make your life hard, even if you get what you want.
3. Only call people if it’s essential. When you call someone, it’s like sneaking into their office, putting your feet on the desk, and saying, “So, I just wanted to talk to you about…” They were doing something when you just cut them off.
4. Call people back. Email them if you want to avoid talking to them. Or call them again when you know they won’t answer.
5. Do not call people “mate.” I’m not your partner, buddy.
6. When you are introduced or when you are introduced, stand up.
7. Firmly shake hands, but only do it a little. You’re not impressing anyone with your kung fu death grip that breaks bones; it just makes you look weak.
8. Don’t complain about other people at work. You’re not the type of overly groomed receptionist from an American soap show from the 1970s. You can discuss your problem with them in a meeting or over coffee.
9. Don’t make fun of someone in a meeting. You should talk to someone one-on-one and privately if you need to give a tip about how they do their work.
10. The seafood you brought in for lunch might smell significant to you. Not so much for the rest of the office.
OUT AND ABOUT
You might want to stay here for a minute if you’re used to hearing words like “I can’t take you anywhere” or if you make most of your friends roll their eyes. Here are some tips to help you get through a night out or even a quick trip to the store without getting caught.
1. Getting off the priority place right away is essential if you’re not supposed to be there (on trains, in movies, or waiting rooms). You can’t stay put just because you’re looking at a newspaper or phone.
2. Keep the door open for the women, men, kids, dogs, and anyone behind you who would be inconvenient or hurt if you didn’t. But don’t hold it for them so long that they feel like they have to do a silly little jog to be excellent. That’s not helpful and feels weird.
3. Don’t look at your phone in a dark theatre, movie theatre, or other similar place, even when you’re not interested. You should set off a warning signal.
4. Don’t show videos or play songs for everyone to see. When did this start being okay? That’s right, it never did.
5. Use common sense to choose whether to give up your seat. Many will be grateful for the offer, but some might think you’re implying they need to be updated or in shape. If you need more time, don’t sit down at all.
6. Do you need to get up from your window seat to the bathroom? Let the person next to you know you want to leave by giving them a light tap on the shoulder. As they sleep, don’t try to climb over them. It won’t go over well if you hit rough weather and end up in their lap.
7. Make room for the person in front of you at the cash register.
8. Shout on your phone when you’re out in public. You and maybe the person on the other end of the line are the only ones who care about what you want to say. Could be.
9. Don’t stay too long at the coffee shop. You can’t get a free workspace for the rest of the day, week, or month just because you bought one flat white at 9:30 a.m.
10. Learn to control your anger. When you lose it in public, you look like a kid having a temper tantrum. Trying to copy as an adult man could be better.
MANNERS WHO HAVE MATES
Kindness and friendship are only sometimes a good match. Even though it might be fun to make fun of each other and tell mom jokes when you’re together, there are some things you should remember about how you treat even your best friends.
1. Pay your way. It’s classic jerk behaviour to skip rounds or order too much when you know you’re splitting the bill. Even though no one said anything, everyone saw it and hated you for it.
2. If someone gives you good news, like getting a new job or having a baby, don’t post about it on social media before they do. They might not want to say anything about it yet or in that way. Also, please keep the baby picture they sent you private, at least not without being asked.
3. It doesn’t matter if your opponent is showboating like it’s a Barcelona practice session when you’re down 5-0 after 89 minutes or just moving the ball around the back when you’re down 1-0 after five minutes. Don’t ever stop playing Fifa. This rule can’t be broken at all.
4. Do you know someone who is moving? You should help them if you live close and are free that weekend. In the same way, they have to bring the pizza and cans in when you’re done.
5. You should never date your partner’s ex. Right now, next year, and five years from now. They do mind, even if they say they don’t.
6. Only take money if you need it. Make sure you pay it back on time and in full every time.
7. Never make fun of a friend to look good. They deserve better. If you do, you’re not a friend, are you?
8. You know that friend who always pays for everything ahead of time, like the venue for the stag do or the five-a-side pitch? Pay them back quickly, and do it before him the next time.
9. Don’t let one person plan everything when you’re with friends. Help plan if you’re going on a trip with a group. Do not just relax. They’ve had enough of making plans for your life.
10. You can be more flexible with your friends than on a date, but save their time that way. They don’t have more than you do, that’s why.
THINGS TO DO WITH STYLE
It’s said that “dressing well is a form of good manners” by Tom Ford. That may sound like nonsense, but there are some connections between being polite and looking good. Take some time to review the rules before you show up to your next event, where a black tie is not required in a hoodie and pants.
1. It’s okay to take off your hat inside these days since caps are often made of the same material and are cut to match your best coat. Just look at the head it’s sitting on to know when and where it’s okay. Not a wedding. Yes, in a burger bar.
2. “Black tie optional” doesn’t mean you can attend an event in shorts, a football shirt, and a cowboy hat. This only means you can wear a dinner or dark suit.
3. Telling someone they look bad without being asked is the same as saying, “I don’t like what you’re wearing.”
4. Do you like the new jacket your friend got? Okay, tell them. Giving someone praise can make their day. But copying someone else’s work isn’t always the best way to praise them. Before you steal their work and buy the same one, ask them.
5. Take your glasses off at home and night. Not an exception.
6. If you want to go out for drinks with a group, don’t be the guy who gets everyone turned away because he wants to wear running shoes.
7. Know your sizes, such as your PIN for fitting. It’s all about the fit. You should never use the phrase “that’ll do.”
8. Always dress up instead of down if you need to know how serious an event is. Being the only guy in a shirt and tie is better than being the only guy in shorts and a T-shirt.
9. Everyone knows that women shouldn’t wear white to a wedding to avoid attracting attention from the bride. You should do the same thing as a man. We’re not telling you not to wear a white dress, but try not to step on the groom’s style toes.
10. It always does if your partner asks you if something looks good on you.
THE GYM RULE
Finding your way around the gym can be challenging if you’re new. What does this odd-looking device from the Middle Ages do? Can I take off my boxers in the changing room? What’s with that big guy with the spider web tattoo on his chin grunting like that? This is where you can find the answers to most of these questions. When you go to the gym, be sure to follow these rules. Maybe not with the guy who has the spider tattoo.
1. Don’t use a machine or bench to play games on your phone. If the gym is busier than you, someone else should sit down between sets. Save time on Facebook.
2. Always clean up your tools when you’re done using them. When someone is trying to use a machine, no one wants to find sweat behind the print on the seat.
3. Put things away when you’re done with them. People are more likely to hurt themselves when they trip over barbells. Don’t blame yourself.
4. Don’t drop your weights in a roar when you’re done with a set. Even though you smell a bit like the Hulk, you’re not him.
5. Is that a big mirror from floor to ceiling? They help you learn your style. We’re not talking about the shape of your arms, big guy.
6. Remember those video game levels where you had to avoid many swinging things that would kill you? You’re making that setting for everyone else when you work out with kettlebells beside the treadmills. Leave other people’s space and find your own.
7. Clean up and put on clean clothes. When you lift your arms to do a rep, no one wants or needs to smell your gains. It would help to take everything out of your gym bag every time you use it.
8. Don’t get in a lifter’s “bubble.” Give anyone using the squat rack, bench, or lifting platform a few feet of space unless you’re there to watch them.
9. Don’t look at them.
10. Don’t give training advice to people who haven’t asked for it, and if someone does, smile, thank them, and keep working out the same way you were before they got in the way.
HOW TO WRITE A NETIQUETTE
It’s easy to forget that the things we do on social media are the most popular and seen things we do. That person might be trying to get into your direct messages. You should join the chat. Okay, fine. Follow these tips to improve your online manners and stay away from being a twit on Twitter or a dick anywhere else.
1. Get to know your privacy settings inside and out before you start snapping. Do you want your boss (or possibly boss) to see that picture of you drinking Carlsberg out of a shoe in college? To be exact…
2. Think before inviting coworkers, bosses, or family members into your social media world. There are times when what you see can’t be taken back.
3. Regarding Instagram homewreckers, Ashley Madison and them are right up there. What do you get from commenting with a double tap and a tongue emoji on someone else’s post? There’s nothing. Could you get rid of it?
4. Don’t leave your dirty clothes out to dry online. What you say is your business. You’ll always look worse if you make them other people’s.
Don’t post if someone doesn’t want to be tagged in a picture. Also, don’t post a photo of yourself just because you look good if your partner or significant other doesn’t.
5. Only post if someone wants to be tagged in a picture. Also, don’t post a photo of yourself just because you look good if your partner or significant other doesn’t.
6. Keep your political views to yourself (or at least don’t tweet about them at certain times of the day). Constantly going on about politics is the best way to make people angry.
7. Only some people are interested in your child like you are.
8. Had some drinks? Yes, as long as you don’t start blog posts. This is like drunk dialling in current times, and it isn’t lovely.
9. If you don’t know someone, only send them a friend request after telling them who you are. If you ask people to be your friend without being asked, don’t be surprised if they disapprove.
10. Don’t comment or like old posts or pictures. It seems creepy and like a stalker.
AS A GUEST
You must follow specific rules at someone else’s home. Before you storm in with a half-bottle of wine from the store and track mud and dirt onto the hallway carpet, take a moment to learn the proper manners, or you should not expect to be invited back.
1. Bring something, even if the host hasn’t asked. Only think about showing up with something. A good bottle of wine is always welcome.
2. Offer to help with dinner (or anything else). Your friend will always keep you from getting your hands dirty. The thought counts, right?
3. Don’t make the guest room look like a bomb site by leaving used underwear and wet towels all over the floor.
4. Get to know the rules of the house. Can I wear shoes? Which plates can go in the machine, and which ones can’t? Should the door not be locked? Learn everything right away to make your stay as stress-free as possible.
5. Wait to show up. This is the best way to scare your host.
6. Also, stay as long as you’re invited.
7. To thank you for letting you stay somewhere long, offer to cook or take your friend to dinner. In a pinch, a bottle of their favorite liquor would be nice.
8. Bring a changing gown. You don’t want to jog nervously from the bathroom to the bedroom every morning, barefoot and with both hands on your plums.
9. Don’t think your guests will be able to meet any crazy dietary needs you may have. Are you feeling sick? Fine. “Sorry, I can eat that,” she said. It has salt in it.” Get out of there.
10. When you leave, make sure the room is clean, take the sheets off the bed, and offer to put them in the washing machine.
BEING A HOST
Your main goal as a host is to make your guests feel at home so they wish they could stay longer. If you want to ensure your guests have a great time and talk about their visit correctly, here are some tips for good hosting manners.
1. Always greet people at the door and let them know they’re welcome immediately.
2. Give people their coats and jackets and let them know where they are in case they need them.
3. Move around, join in talks, and put your guests in touch with each other, especially those who came by themselves and might not know anyone.
4. Make sure that everyone has more water. It’s much easier to impress people who are mad at you.
5. The rule that people must take their shoes off at the door probably only works when you have a few people over. There’s something odd about a big party where no one is wearing shoes.
6. People shouldn’t expect you to cater to their specific dietary needs, but it wouldn’t hurt to offer a vegetarian choice if you know that some of your guests don’t eat meat.
7. Play music that other people like, but only let people play what they want. If you do, people might cut songs off in the middle to play their own. Check out the crowd and the mood, then make a mix that fits those things.
8. If you have friends over, clean their room and make sure the sheets are clean.
9. Everyone likes a drink, but make sure you have other options for people who are driving and for the kids of your guests. It’s not good to have a bunch of drunk kids acting out.
10. Thank your friends for coming every time you see them.
