Women want to be with strong males, and other men want to be like them. Usually, he gets what he wants. Today, it might seem like a crazy idea if it weren’t so radioactively dangerous. Harvey Weinstein was shamed after sexual misconduct allegations were made public. However, rude people like Donald Trump still seem to be able to abuse power and lick pussies without much consequence.
The word “alpha male” comes from animal behaviour, as do many basic behaviours it falsely supports. Before Chimpanzee Politics by Frans de Waal (1982), which looked at how monkeys and people interact, Nigel Farage defended Trump by saying that he was like a silverback gorilla; it was mostly about primatology. Al Gore was Bill “Slick Willie” Clinton’s vice president in the 1990s. A professional named Naomi Wolf is said to have told him that he needed to be more “alpha” to get to the top. The word may have hurt more than we think since this is the case. It was The Game in 2005 that peacocking and pick-up “artistry” became very popular.
It was also the bible that described the alpha male trend. To be fair to Neil Strauss, who wrote the book, one of its purposes was to show how wrong this way of thinking is: it only leads to hookups and false confidence, not real bonds or long-term relationships. People who are broken and can’t connect with women without pre-packaged material saw it as a how-to guide, like how people in books like American Psycho and The Great Gatsby aren’t very good at what they do.
NEW THOUGHTS ON THE ALPHA MALE
Many things are wrong with the idea of the “alpha guy.” That is a simple misunderstanding of biology and some fake evolutionary psychology. Or that animal hierarchies, which only have one boss, don’t show how human hierarchies work, which they don’t. (We have done well because social animals work together.) Or the very different places we live: Elon Musk is not The Rock, and you might be an alpha in the office but not in the weight room. To put it another way, Sylvia Plath said that women are not like those robots that you plug in and wait for the sex to come out.
Other things that play on young men’s fears and flaws are self-help teachers who aren’t qualified and internet chat rooms that use the word as if it were true—not getting ahead in life? Do you not feel well? It’s because you’re a jerk and a loser. But you could only take seven easy steps to become an alpha. Get my e-book first! Being a guy becomes a list of things to do or lessons to learn. It’s like the fake guys in Don Draper or James Bond. Once more, don’t just look at how flat they are; they’re not the most friendly or well-adjusted people.
The myth of the strong male is just as silly as the idea of a “real man,” but it hides the fact that men can be successful in many different ways in the twenty-first century. You don’t have to act like a big, swinging jerk to do any of them. Here are 20 habits you should try to be better, happier, and more alpha in the modern world. These are a helpful list of how to be an alpha man. We’d love to be you if you regularly do all of them.
CALL OUT BULLSHIT
Among other things, this includes racist, sexist, or homophobic comments, “casual” racism or sexism, and comments about women’s looks, whether they are excellent or negative. It’s not always easy to say, “That’s not cool.” Still, say it. Anyone you work with, talk to, or know will know you’re right, even if they get mad or make fun of you.
DO NOT FIGHT
Almost all the time. Fights don’t make things right and bring justice back to real life. They only lead to trouble with the law and jail time, injuries that change people’s lives, one-punch deaths, more fights, and people getting back at you or your family. Take a moment to think about what you would do. If martial arts help you feel better and get things out you think you should discuss in therapy, don’t be afraid to try it. But always step back. You don’t have to prove you’re a “real man” or a boss. You aren’t a guy.
SMILE FIRST
Say hello, identify yourself, share a joke, and start talking. Some people might be embarrassed or not reciprocate, but the other person will probably be glad you did it so they don’t have to or don’t have to stand there and look down at their phone instead of you.
DON’T BE STIFF
Not in the same way that Jean-Claude Van Damme switches between trucks, even though that’s cool. Besides that, do yoga or stretch every day if you don’t want to turn into a tin man instead of an alpha male. Bruce Lee once said that even the most formidable trees can be broken, but bamboo and willow can live by moving with the wind. Some people say that a man is strong until he dies. Being less set in your ways will help you get stronger and “roll with the punches.” Do not be afraid to cry, too.
RISE UP
Anyone who needs it more than you should take your seat, whether they are young or old.
BE A BIGGER MAN
No, that doesn’t mean an arm or a leg. There will be a lot of times when people mistreat you. It’s never a good idea to act just as badly or worse. Show them the way, and they’ll follow it whether they want to or not.
BE AN ACCESSIBLE LEADER
As a boss, you should know that the happiness of the people around you is your job. Shut the office door, pull in a grumpy expression, and ignore everyone. They’ll be anxious and depressed for the remainder of the day, thinking they’ve irritated you with anything unrelated to them and not completing your requests.
But even a small amount of positive contact or words can keep them going for days, weeks, or even months. People will remember how you made them feel even if they forget what you said. (We are trying to decide who said that.)
BE KIND TO OTHER PEOPLE
Only a few people want to lose, whether at work or on the five-a-side pitch. If someone is having difficulty, yelling at them like a murderous drill master probably won’t make them do better. You could try to support them or figure out why they’re failing.
They might need help with what they need, be confused about what to do, or be dealing with another issue that is making things tricky. They’re likely not failing because they don’t care, try, or value you. Heston Blumenthal, the chef of Hell’s Kitchen, never yells at his staff because he thinks that if they make a mistake, he hasn’t taught them well enough.
DO NOT MAKE IT ABOUT YOU
There’s more to life than your actions and words or the strange sex gestures you flaunt. The people in your immediate vicinity are not Westworld hosts, NPCs in your video game, or extras in the film of your life; instead, they are autonomous entities with needs and desires of their own. It all depends on how you relate to them. Rather than reciting lines from your screenplay or playbook, kindly listen to them and respond accordingly.
COMMUNICATE WITH OTHERS
That is incorrect. Pay attention whether it’s your friend extending an invitation to have a beer or your partner arriving home from work. Instead of what they say, pay close attention to the body language that clarifies that they’re having a bad day or want to talk about something. Look into things more and listen more. Also, only offer if asked for, no matter how clear the answer or what they should have done is to you. Most of the time, people want someone to listen to them without talking down to them.
DO NOT ACT LIKE YOU KNOW ALL THE ANSWERS
Or that you know more than you let on. When people (often men) believe they know more than they do and refuse to acknowledge their errors or modify their beliefs, they make terrible mistakes. It typically behaves in that manner. If you make a mistake, you should own up to it, apologize, and own up. Even if you believe it will make you appear less intelligent, be bold enough to ask someone more knowledgeable than you for assistance. Reading physical books—not electronic ones—and watching movies are two of the most extraordinary and straightforward things you can do to enhance your life.
DON’T BE THE ONE WHO SAYS “I INSIST”
You should offer to pay for her food, but don’t be rude if she says she wants to do it herself and don’t make her do it more than once. You can’t put love coins into a woman’s machine and wait for sex to come out. This is what Sylvia Plath expressed. Yes, you are a gentleman of the highest moral standards and may desire to do something kind without any conditions.
She doesn’t want you to feel like she owes you anything, even if you’re unaware. What she wants may be optional as long as she pays for her dinner. Keep that in mind. Trying to make someone do something they don’t want to is never okay.
ACHIEVING ACTUAL EQUITY
This goes beyond ensuring that women at work are heard and not interrupted like in a political “debate” on television or even involved in the conversation despite having spent their entire lives being trained not to be “aggressive.” It also entails doing other tasks typically performed by women, such as cooking, cleaning, remembering birthdays, and organizing travel.
When was the last time a man was questioned how he “has it all” or was referred to as a “working father”? Men are perceived as having everything they desire except for the mundane items they don’t. That’s why most women do five extra hours of “emotional labor” every week for free.
Caitlin Moran, a columnist, says that a woman’s life will only be complete when she marries a good guy. She has to pick up every ball you drop.
Are you the man who wants to be in charge? Remember that doing the dishes and taking out the trash doesn’t entitle you to a reward or sex. Like the new Dyson, go on with your task without letting anything get in the way because she has to. If you help her, she can land a great career independently. Women want to be enabled, not saved, and they don’t want to be rewarded for services rendered.
However, our observations show hiring a cleaner is a great idea.
ALLOW EVERYONE TO ENTER BY LEAVING THE DOOR OPEN
If it’s closed, they can’t walk through it, can they? Plus, if you didn’t, it would be bizarre and just plain dickish.
FIT FOR THE JOB
If you can’t race for the bus or deadlift a shopping bag, it doesn’t matter if you can bench press a car. Your abilities define your appearance; therefore, if you work on developing your abilities, You’ll look better without the arrogant self-praise that comes from longingly looking at yourself in the mirror or on the scales. You’ll also get more substantial or last longer. Having toned abs or large arms may improve your appearance, and in some cases, they may. But if you give up everything else and only think about yourself, you’ll become very unattractive.
TO KEEP YOUR PRIVILEGE, NEVER FORGET IT
Also, don’t play down other people’s stories of unfair treatment. You might not be able to see the problem if you are privileged because it does not touch you.
YOU’LL BE INTERESTING IF YOU’RE INTERESTED
You will have conversation starters from the things you read, watch, or listen to. Even better, ask people what they like to talk about most: themselves. Be proud of your work and how you look, no matter what they are. That’s more appealing than any group of clothes or status.
BE THANKFUL FOR WHAT YOU HAVE
It doesn’t matter if it’s different from what you want. The alpha male myth’s most fantastic drawback is that it always makes you desire what the next person possesses. However, having desire or hashtag goals is fine. You can always be jealous of someone higher up the food chain, even if you get what you want.
Dan Kahneman, an economist who won the Nobel Prize, calls it a “satisfaction treadmill,” social media has made it faster. You don’t need to look for the next big thing. Only worry about what the people who matter think of you. Being happy with what you have, being at ease in your skin, and being loyal are the things that make life worth living. Because if you don’t, then not having any career, material possessions, or romantic success will never make you happy.
DO NOT BE TOO SERIOUS WITH YOURSELF
It’s best to laugh at yourself so no one else can make fun of you. Both men and women want to be with fun people.
TAKE A STEP BACK
Sometimes, going back is more alpha than stepping up or over someone else. A man who is genuinely sure of himself is willing to let someone else take the lead.
